Lots happening but nothing much happening

Hello
A lot of 'to do' going on:

• I had a bone scan today (involved an injection, followed by a 45 minute scan three hours later).  Gill came with me and kept me company :)
• On Friday, I met my plastic surgeon.  She is amazing; the same age as me, and very experienced and warm.  We went through all the different options for reconstructions and I chose to have my new breast made from tissue from my tummy (also chose one of the two types of surgery for using tissue from the tummy).  The op will take around five hours but some of the other surgery options take 8-9 hours. I still don't have a definite surgery date but it is coming up.  Mum came with me and that was really helpful
• She also noticed that I had a lipoma (didn't even know what that was) on my chest (just fatty tissue) so referred me for an ultrasound of that (but she said she could remove it during surgery).
• On Thursday, I had an appointment with my breast surgeon. She told me that the results were normal from all the testing in the last few weeks (so no evidence of cancer in the rest of the body) and gave me the probable surgery date (both the plastic surgeon and her need to coordinate as they both are present during the operation). I gave the surgeon some flowers as she does an amazing job (and was my surgeon last time so we have known each other for four and a half years).  Another friend came with me for this :)
• These appointments require a lot of time from me and others. You are not meant to go to these appointments on your own; I really appreciate everyone's time and support
• Oh and I met up with two friends on the weekend as they have had reconstructions (it was really helpful to get tips and advice)
• What else - I will finish work on Friday
• I'm still not sleeping that well but am feeling a lot better about things as all the testing is virtually complete, I have a tentative surgery date and am finishing work this week. After that, I can concentrate on getting rest, going to the gym, eating well and enjoying life as much as possible before the surgery.  With the surgery, I will be in hospital for a week and will need at least five weeks recovery time

Over and out, Andrea

Hampers

I received a fabulous hamper from the 'Brazil girls' Loma, Moera, Sara, Tapu and Italia - and Moera's sister Anne and family.  It was such a surprise and really lifted my spirits with its pink and butterfly theme: pink slippers, pjs, mags, books, yummy bath gels, a scented pillow thing and a wonderful pink cushion and vouchers for a facial and at Kirks. Thank you my wonderful friends and prima.  I am very fortunate to have a lot of support!!!

The card reads:

Get Well Andrea
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Honey is sweet
Just like you

You are the sunshine in the sky
You are all the stars way up high
You are the harmony in all songs
You will never never be wrong

Let's hope this puts a smile on your face
And not bring you any hate
Andrea Andrea you're the strongest woman I've met so far
With all the flash things and your cool car

From Paris and the whole family

Then...I won a hamper from the local organics store. It had olive oil, pumpkin seeds, dried fruit, chocolate, rice etc etc.  Someone is looking after me

Endings

Today, I realised that I was burned out and needed to replenish my energy. I went for a nice walk to the beach, had a sleep and watched tv.  I have had to admit that I'm not coping very well with starting a new job while processing cancer plus going to a multitude of medical appointments.  There is just not time to do everything and it has been very stressful.  I went to my GP today and he recommended that I finish work so that I can just focus on my health. So it is time to end the work side of things. I have to agree but just need to sort out a few things including my surgery date plus talking things through with my manager. I must admit that sick leave is always a concern in the back of my mind...
In the past, I have struggled to continue working while receiving treatement - it is a real challenge to put health first before anything else. I am still learning this lesson.
I have been up and down this week. I seem to have lost the ability to sleep well and starting a new job has created additional pressure that I don't need.  Ups are quality time with friends and support from really wonderful people.  I am very fortunate to have a group of strong supportive individuals from the last BC plus a few new ones.
On Thursday, I hope to learn my surgery date. That will really help as I need to think through dates, sick leave etc.  This week I have an appointment with my breast surgeon and plus an appointment with the plastic surgeon. On Monday, a bone scan...and maybe that is enough appointments for now.
On Thursday, I will find out results of previous tests i.e. if other cancer has been found so fingers crossed, that things are early stage rather than late stage.
Going through cancer for the second time was always a distant fear. But some things are a bit easier this time as there are less unknowns e.g. I know what to expect in medical tests.
I talked to a friend Louise who had the surgery that I will be having but a few years ago. She had some helpful hints plus told me that her new breast is so normal to the point that she doesn't think about it at all. I am now quite looking forward to the new breast - plus the prospect of a tummy tuck.  However, she did point out that I would need someone to look after me for two weeks post hospital (i.e. I wouldn't be able to sit up by myself).
There is such a lot to think about, process and plan. My brain is very full.
I seem to be spending a lot of time on the phone....
But back to work tomorrow; I hope that I can contribute something and then just two x half days of work on Thursday and Friday.
I don't want BC to rule my life but right now, it is the focus.

May 2011

Well here I am again. I believe that everything happens for a reason but what is the reason for my second breast cancer diagnosis in four years? It is a good question to ask but thankfully, I haven't gone there too much this time as there is not really an answer. I haven't done anything wrong; I haven't caused it; it is just my destiny for whatever reason.
Different to last time, I have a strong sense of this just being a blip in my real life, rather than how huge this felt last time.  Cancer can be very scary, depending on its type and stage and how much you understand about the cancer or cancer in general.  At this point, this is a wee cancer - early stage and possibly only surgery is required.  However, I am going through the testing stage now - chest xray, blood test, CT scan (thanks for coming Gill) and bone scan - within a few weeks, the specialists will know much more.  And ...life can be full of surprises.  Also, once the breast lump is removed and analysed, that is where the real info is.
So for now, I am waiting for my surgery date, test results and....for the fun of it, I have been given a brand new job at work. Being ill is very busy: often we need to work often full time to pay the bills, have numerous hospital appointments and treatements...while trying to mentally process an illness plus contribute productively at work. Having a new job has been the icing on the cake.  To be fair, the job is interesting and the people really nice but the timing, awkward. But maybe that is what life is about...ups and downs, learning and growing and...the timing is not up to us.
Overall, I am in a good frame of mind.  I feel a bit flat at times and really enjoy fun stuff (a weekend in Foxton with the girls was brilliant). But I would conclude that this is my journey; it can be lonely as it is very diificult for people to understand...but ultimately the growth and strength which grows with this experience is amazing.  I am so much stronger than I was before cancer.
What's on my mind in circular patterns:
- will I need to have chemo? I hate chemo. I'm not sure if the gains outweight the costs. Did it really work last time? I want to do cancer differently this time so what does that mean for chemo?
- surgery - when will it be? I know it will be sore; I'm scared of the pain
- telling people - is so hard. I have not told many people this time and friends/family - it is hard for them too (people sometimes start treating me strangely but luckily, most of those people aren't around me anymore)
- work - I'm a bit stressed by the workload so need to manage that stress
- money - how much sick leave will I get? will I ever be able to own my own home?
Well that is probably enough for now.
Andrea